Foster/Adoption Books

Orphanology by Tony Merida and Rick Morton... Adopted for Life by Russell D. Moore... The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis,David Cross and Wendy Sunshine... Dear Birthmother by Kathleen Silber and Phylis Speedlin... Bloodlines by John Piper (understanding the issues surrounding inter racial adoption)... Thriving as as Adoptive Family by David and Renee Sanford (Focus on the Family book)... A resource I have enjoyed is the Focus on the Family radio. They have said so much about Adoption and it has been a huge blessing to me to hear from others who have walked a similar road.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!

Foster Mom thoughts (part 3)

We took the class. Finished the class in April. On a Thursday. Got our first foster baby boy the next day! He was with us for a week. He was with us for respite. His foster family were taking a weeks break. You know you can be approved for respite care? You can take the class and help those foster families who need a short break. Respite. A friend of mine is a respite foster mom and she has provided a loving home for many children while their foster families rest. April 16, God brought us a two year old boy and an 8 month old girl. I have told you about them before and told you how quickly we all fell in love. These two were younger than Conor and Erin and we had the perfect little family. Four kids. Two boys. Two girls. This little guy and little girl have an older brother and sister. As I would bring my little ones to visit their parents at the DSS,I would see the older brother and sister. I would hear them say to their younger brother and sister, "I really miss you. I love you. I will see you next week". I could see the sadness as they would not only have to leave their parents. They would have to leave their siblings. I started to fall in love with them. I was hoping someone in my church would take the older two children so they could be close to their younger siblings. I was really hoping God wouldn't pick me. Do you ever feel that way? If we took the older two, I felt like my life would get too messy. I mean, Conor would not be the oldest child in the family. What was this going to do to Conor and Erin? I was worried about MY children.I was worried about what others would say or think? God said to me "They are all MY children". God's heart breaks for ALL of the children in the World. Mine should too, right? So in August we asked the DSS if we could foster all four children so they could be together. They told us to wait until the end of December. We were willing and obeyed God. That is all we could do. So we went home and waited for God to bring these two children into our family. I will tell you that the enemy shows up when you are standing up for children in need. People in need. Life isn't easy. Whose life is? Everyone has something. You know why we have something? It's so we bring our something to God. In our weakness HE is made strong. HE can do all things. HE can be our strength. God also brings blessings. Our neighbor was moving and she asked me if I would like a set of bunk beds and mattress. Yes please!! You know what the precious part of that was? The bunk beds matched the other furniture. God cared about the girl's room enough to send us free matching furniture. Isn't that precious? That's God. I didn't do that. God gave us another dresser for free. We bought two for a great price on Craigs list. We bought a bed for 15 dollars at a second hand store. God provides. Now, just so you know, all of our bedroom furniture is second hand (except for our crib and matching dresser that my mom bought when we were pregnant with conor). We treat the children how we treat ourselves. I had two families from my church give me Christmas presents for the kids. Things that looked brand new that their family didn't need anymore. Awesome!! God was so kind to give us months to prepare for the older two children. We had time to prepare our hearts,home. We had time to emotionally prepare our children. We had time for a trip to Disney World! ;) God brought the older two children to us Dec 22. It has been over three weeks since they arrived. The oldest boy and Conor are best friends! They have so much fun together!! Wow. How God blesses obedience :0)They are on the same basketball team. They play Star Wars together. The six children have a great time together and they have all been so good! I am in shock that they all clean up after themselves. They enjoy doing chores. They fold and put away their own laundry (5 of the 6 kids do this!) Blessed? I am blessed. The children are blessed to be together. but I am blessed to watch how beautiful this all is. God came after these four siblings and He has a super plan for them. He has a plan for my six children. If I obey God, I will see beautiful things. Alot of times beauty comes from ashes right? I have noticed a few things. The amount of doctor appointment's sky rockets. Babysitters for date night is a must. Paper plates are a must. Laundry is never ending but the big jump in that one was going from 2 kids to 4. Honestly 6 kids is not thaaaat much different than 4. honestly. 4 from 2 was a bigger adjustment. The older kids bring different advantages to the table. The younger ones fit nicely into the family but cannot not verbalize all that has happened in their little lives. The older children can verbalize which has been sad but good that we can help them process their pain. I feel like labels have been put on older foster children that should not be there. Biological parents have made mistakes. The children have not. Number 1 rule? Treat these angels how you would want someone to treat your children if for some reason you could not take care of them. Be quick to hear, slow to speak,slow to anger. Be slow to label children. We know the miracle worker. His name is Jesus.

My thoughts on being a Foster Mom (part 2)

I have received a lot of questions on fostering and thought it might be helpful to blog about my experience. I have mentioned that I felt the call to foster/adopt since I was a little girl. James did not. He said he had never thought about it until we discussed it. He agreed it was a good thing and something we could do but he had not thought about the need before. When we ministered in Michigan, there was a family who had two grown sons.They were nearing 50 years old. Heading into easy street,right? In our same church,there were these three little girls in a foster home. The foster mom said she could not adopt these girls and they probably would not end up staying together. They would be separated. The couple with the grown sons heard about it. Got a burden for these three girls. Went through the foster class, got approved to adopt these precious princesses. James and I attended their adoption ceremony. The court room was filled with joy! God allowed us to see their example and he was sowing seeds in our hearts. Their dedication at church was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen! Imagine these three princesses standing on the stage with their forever family. The pastor is talking about how we have all been adopted in the family of God. What an amazing picture! For us, as we saw this precious couple 25 years older than us take up the baton for these girls... We knew it would be us some day. This couple traded in their sports car for a mini van. I am sure these years have not been without challenges but I am sure they are as fulfilled as fulfilled can be as they parent these beautiful sisters. Many women have said to me "I would love to foster but my husband does not want to". Pray for him. Be the best wife and mom you can be through God's power to those He has already given you. All you can be is willing and obedient. You obviously need your husband to be supportive and know that God has called you to this. If he says no, wait and pray and ask God to do a miracle in his heart. Help other foster families. Mentor one child or one mother. Maybe that is what God has for your family at this time. Maybe this small exposure will open your husband's heart and mind to the idea. Fostering is not for everyone. But I am convinced more families need to consider the blessing they have been given. I have an awesome family. Conor and Erin have an awesome daddy. We need to share our blessings with little children who have nothing. Nothing. Here in Roanoke. Children have nothing.

My thoughts on being a Foster Mom (part 1)

This time last year we were starting our journey into the Fostering community. We had talked before we were married about fostering or adopting one day. We thought we will have four biological children and then we will foster or adopt. Well, after our second pregnancy we decided two biological children were enough. I did not like being pregnant. James did not like me being pregnant. Sorry. That's honest. But true. We felt a calling to foster/adopt and thought if we have any more biological children we may not follow through (because i would probably be in an insane institution some where!)God uses all sorts of people, right? ;) Growing up, I had been exposed to different families who fostered. I thought those families were the biggest heroes in society. God had put a fire in my heart for children who needed a home. I am not for sure why. Partly, many missionaries and church members allowed me to be a part of their families when I was a child. I would eat dinner with them, go on vacations with them. I loved when I got to stay at people's homes because my school lunch would be so awesome. Kids would want to trade with me! I loved it!! I loved the attention. I loved seeing into how other families lived. I loved having family devotions, special bed time routines. It was all foreign to me and wonderful! Now, my little sister was with me and she hated it. She wanted to be at home. Even though home was not glorious at times, it was her home and her family. So, as different personalities come into my home I try to remember both personalities. Two summers ago, James and I went to Hawaii and had a blast. Then, we went to Mexico to build homes for the homeless. It was an eye opening experience. I saw how selfish I am and how much I love stuff. James and I had our two kids. We said we would kick back and enjoy life until Erin was 5 years old. Then we would add on to our family how ever God decided. Erin was only two and our life was starting to get nice and easy. Ahhh, the American dream. I thought if I have to live in America, I might as well make the best of it and live on easy street. After all, this is America. The message that God spoke into our hearts that week in Mexico was 'You are BLESSED to be a BLESSING'. We came back to America changed. We went to an orientation meeting at the DSS (Department for Social Services) in Roanoke. Treena asked us how we heard of the program. We said "God". We googled Foster Care in Roanoke and this is where it led us. She looked a little puzzled. Maybe it doesn't always look that way but for us, God spoke, we obeyed and here we are. We missed the Fall class and we signed up for the January class. It gave us time to fill out the paperwork and prepare our family, finances for that was about to come. We thought we would take the class and see where God led us. If he wanted us to wait until Erin was 5 he would let us know and shut the doors. We took the class and were pleasantly surprised how well our faith in God was received. We took our two kids with us for the free childcare. We figured this was our new life and we wanted to see how our kids handled this new situation and how the DSS handled our kids. Now, if we had any family in town we would have our kids with them. Our class met from 6pm-9pm for 9 weeks (i think it was 9?). They gave us homework each week. The homework was about your own childhood and how you would handle children in different situations. I had a hard time with the homework because for me, it would bring back painful memories. James? he flew through it and it didn't bother him at all. There are two home visits. The first one is no preparation. The second one is. They want to make sure you have the right amount of beds, dressers, space. They make sure you have supplies for an emergency and so on. Easy stuff. I find the DSS to be very supportive and easy to work with. They are realistic. They know we are far from perfect and they hold us to very reasonable standards. I know every county,state,country is different. God has blessed us with a great group of people to work with! If you are in Roanoke and you feel the nudge to be a foster family, go to an orientation meeting. Take the class. They have many people who take the 9 week class and decide this is not for them. You will never know unless you try right? :)

Christmas

Christmas 2012

Each Christmas season gets better and better! James' family came to visit which was wonderful. The children love love love having James' family here :) Papa and Grandma play from morning to night with the children so it is a very fun and exciting time when they come to visit. God gave us the gift of two more children Dec 22. What an honor to share the real meaning of Christmas with these little angels. Christmas evening we hopped in the car to share joy in our local nursing home. You can imagine how precious it was to see the children be a blessing to others on Christmas Day. A wonderful, blessed Christmas. I hope yours was too.

Camping in the back yard

Conor's 5th Birthday!!

Summer 2012

Ups and Downs ~My GOD who stays the same

I have to admit. This has not been my most favorite summer ever. There have been some precious moments. Tender phrases from precious children. Precious moments hearing God speak... but there sure have been some stinky parts to this summer. Some seasons are very busy. Some of us make our seasons busier than the rest of the family fully appreciate! I have no idea who that would be ;)But what I want to record for me and my family is that the God of the Bible; The God whom James and I serve is constant. He never fails. We do~ but He never does. I love reading and hearing from Ann Voskamp, Beth Moore, Christine Cain and our local Mary Wall. I love their passion for Christ. Their belief, dependence in Christ alone. I want that. I want to shout Christ's glory from the rooftops for all to hear,see and believe in THE miracle worker. In the One who saves, forgives, redeems!God can and does mighty things. I want to be right in the middle seeing Him work. He tells me that His way is narrow. He tells me I need to lose my life to find it. He tells me to forgive like He has forgiven me. Those things are hard to do in this age. The age where media tells us to be happy at any cost. Is life about happiness? I have Joy in Christ. Sometimes, I have joy in Christ but I am not happy. Life is sad sometimes. But there is joy in the midst of sorrow when we are comforted by Christ. When we allow ourselves to be comforted by Christ. That means we find our Bible and a quiet room and cry out to Jesus. Teaching children about Christ has to be one of the biggest blessings. Yesterday, Erin (3 years old) asked her first spiritual question that I know of. We were getting ready for church and I was brushing her hair. She said "Mommy,why do we go to church?". "We go to see God. We love God." "God is not there mom. I have never seen God!". "We hear,sing songs about Him,to Him. We read in the Bible about Him. We go because we love Him. Mammy and daddy love God." What better gift can we give to our children? Mammy and daddy love God. I am very thankful to have a relationship with God. I am very thankful that my children get to learn about Him at a very young age. May God do mighty things in and through each and everyone of them! May God do a mighty work in and through James and I. That is my renewed prayer. God~ we want to see you. We want others to see you and grow in you. We all have a limp as Beth Moore says. I have sadness. I am not going to blog about it. probably not going to talk to many about it. But I know where to bring my sadness. God alone can help me. God alone can help you. Bring your limp to Him. Bring your heavy heart to Him. When we fully obey Him. Watch Him turn our mourning into gladness. The fellowship with Christ is the best feeling EVER. He is worthy,mighty,loving,strong,caring on this Monday morning. "Casting ALL your cares upon Him because HE cares for YOU".

Africa?

I am not going to Africa :( James leaves on Sunday for 17 days... I have already stocked up on the important stuff ~coke, nutella, mac n cheese, pizza, fries, tater tots (i have never bought those before?!), pull ups and toilet paper. I may need a few more things but I have the essential survival kit with 5 kids, 5 and under and no hubby. I'm gonna miss him. I decided not to go when Conor started asking questions like "are you and dad coming back or are me and Erin gonna be foster kids?". He started acting very worried/angry about the trip shortly after we became foster parents. So, for the sake of the kids not having to fret for 17 days if they will be having a new family, I am staying home with my babies. Now, for you think ahead people, you're like "hello Aisling, I could have told ya that!". I am slow. I am a live in the moment person and sometimes my thinking doesn't catch up in time. Any way, me and the kids will have a blast... I am trying to convince myself! :) No. We will! I forgot to mention, I bought some Ben and Jerry's ice cream too. If you are worried about me, bring me a frozen coke from burger king or a strawberry limeade from sonic. That's all. no bread. Just fluid. Thank ya ;) James is going with a great group from the youth group. I cannot wait to hear all about it. I have been reading 'aholyexperience.com' blog and she just came back from Haiti. She is angry at the amount of stuff we have and how greedy we are. I am too! Looking forward to seeing what Africa is going to do to James and the rest of the group. We are three months into fostering and it has been so beautiful. I am not kidding. I have had seven foster children in my home so far and we have loved most every moment :) I say most every moment because we did get head lice last week. Right before church. We did bring our kids to someone elses home WITH our creepy crawlies. I am still embarrassed about that! James and I said to each other on Sunday,"well,this (cleaning,shampooing,combing hair,making phone calls...sigh), is what God had for us today". "This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it". We have had some fevers, teething, virus', ear infections. But it has all been very beautiful. What a privilege to be the mom to these kiddos. What a privilege to love them through times of their own weakness. Times of our own weakness. You should see Conor and Erin. They are such helpers! Erin thinks she is the mom and we are constantly telling her to leave the baby alone. Conor gets it. He gets that we are loving kids that God has sent for us to love. We are very proud of him. We have had two foster kids since April 16. When S (2yr, now 3) walked in the front door he said "Hi dad". We fell in love immediately!! baby S came in at 10 months old to us. She has progressed so much! It has been awesome to watch. They both have had birthdays since they have been here. Their parties were a lot of fun (hard. emotionally draining but fun because God was there with His never ending LOVE)! We celebrated with their birth mom and grandma. Fun memories. God calls us all to different things. Your life will not look like mine. Mine will not look like yours. My encouragement to you is Seek the Lord and live the life HE has for you. His grace is always enough. His grace will be enough for the next 17 days. For James in Africa and me in Roanoke. I am kinda sad I am not going to Africa but I am very glad I get to be mom to five precious children. I am. I really am. oxxoxo

What's it Really like?

Erin is hilarious. She is one of a kind. You cannot leave her alone because she will find trouble in the most funniest and cute way. She was sharing a room with little 10 month old. But I kept finding her in the crib. With the baby. The baby who was sleeping before Erin decided to have a party in her crib! She got in trouble for that... so then Erin would get right up to the baby BUT stay on the outside of the crib. Still waking the baby up of course. Be it nap time or 6am ~ Erin is oblivious to the need for sleep. If there is another person to be found ~she will find them and proceed to throw a party! Erin got evicted form the baby's room. We put her on the bottom bunk in Conor's room. She likes being in with Conor and two year old. But she would get out of her bed and climb into their beds and just chat. The girl loves to chat. She cannot chat from her bed because she feels the need to be very close to people. Erin got evicted from the boy's room and her toddler bed is now in my room where I can keep my eyes on her. I have seen toddler beds in the master bedroom before and thought that was very weird. I'll admit it. I judged. Well, now that we have four kids and one of them being Erin. I fully understand toddler beds in the master bedroom. She wakes up and climbs into my bed early. My bed is alot better than waking up the children. We have to keep an eye on her because she tries to sneak out and wake the kids up. I'm telling ya~ Erin is a party animal. I don't think she is trying to be bad. She is drawn to the kids. She's like a magnet! I found this post in my drafts and had to share it bc Erin is wild i tell ya ;) hope it made you smile like it did me ;0)

Something Sad

I have to tell you this. You know the way our church youth group goes to the Baptist Community Center every wed and help the kids with their homework and play with them? Well, James got a call from the director Thursday night. She said DSS had come to a house in the neighborhood and took some precious children into care. Pat said she would call James and ask if those precious children could be placed in a family in our church. Pat said "are there any more families in your church that I can give DSS their phone number and send the kids to their house?" Pat really wanted these children to be able to stay together. She didn't want them to be put in different homes and add to their trauma. Sadly, we didn't have anyone to tell her about. It is humbling to receive a phone call from the community asking for help and have to say no... sometimes you have to say no. But I don't think so in this case. Helping the orphans? I don't think so... Pat's phone call came on the heels of an e mail the church received asking for help with foster respite care. It seems like God is doing something in our midst. I am excited to see what God is going to do. I love love love being a part of a church that is growing and listening to the Spirit of God. It is a wonderful thing! I was sad this week that would couldn't help this family and community center but I am excited about what God is preparing us for. Mercy should Triumph within ourselves, our family and our Church.

Africa this summer? a helpful tool to get there!

I was praying about going to Africa this summer with James and the youth group. If you read my account of the Mexico trip you may be laughing at me. I am a spoiled brat. I do have a very easy life. But - since I was a child I have dreamed about Afica. So, my heart is drawn to this trip (even thouh my food preferences and my pale skin are a little worried!).
The cost is the big factor. Do we take a time out from the dave ramsey plan? Is it worth it? ...
James and I decided I should go to Africa! There is alot to be said in the book of James about not scurrying around being worried about money. That being said - someone has got to make the green stuff to make life run smoothly.
I was readng moneysaving mom's blog and just so happened to be on there the day she was giving away her new audio book to bloggers - God blessed me with a free copy! Her book was very helpful in giving me ideas to save money for my upcoming missions trip.
I have read Dave Ramsey Books and have listened to his radio show. He helped our family realize that we wanted to "live like no one else now so eventually we could live like no one else!" We will forever be thankful to him for helping us climb out of debt. What I loved about moneysaving mom's book is that... well, she's a mom! She thinks and talks like a mom. Dave does not talk that way :0)So - if you want to sit down and hear from a sweet friend, this lady is the one to shed some light on your finances. She starts out having you dream up some goals. Where would you like to see yourself in 5 years? Break your goals down into bite size pieces. She talks about you cleaning your house so you can think straight! Some of you may not like that but it is a proven fact that if your house is messy then inside your pretty little head is messy ;) After those two things she has you tackle your food budget and so on.
Another thing I appreciate about her is she mentions a few times that you are going to mess up. Give yourself three months to conquer a certain area. Ahhh, that is so freeing to me. I have three months to get it right! Thank you! That's what gets me about coupons. I want to have it all figured out in the first shopping trip. That wasnt happening and it was bugging me. I will sort some other areas out but when the time is right, i just may give the coupon thing a try again... and hang on for three months. Another freeing thing she says in her book is to allow 40 dollars per person in your family for your grocery bill,toiletries etc. I don't know about you but that is way more than I spend a week. She is not saying you can only spend 50 dollars a week. Mind you - before children, 50 dollars was our budget. Kids are expensive!
So what have I learned in this book and how will it help me get to Africa?
1. Set a goal - Africa
2. Bite size pieces - figure out how much money I need per month to get there. (done that!)
3. Come up with ideas to make the money. (yep!) shave off money from the grocery bill, make short term sacrifices.
Listening to her book was a blessing and helped me remember that I can reach pretty amazing goals if I work at it.

If you are struggling financially or if your a mom and would like some positive reinforcement into your budget, then this is the book for you. I looove Dave Ramsey but I have to say Moneysaving mom says the same stuff in a nice kind friend to friend way. I have never met her but after listening to her audio book a few times, i consider her a friend :0) ... and thanks for the free audio book!

Best Easter gift!

What to say what to say... First of all the blog world looks different. I am so behind the times! I wrote a post about a great book Money Saving Mom wrote and I cannot find it. She gave it to me for free and I didnt even post about it. I will. I promise. I keep thinking I need James to help me on here and then I forget to ask him. We have added two blessings to our family. I am not talking about pets either. I know some people are into pets but not me. Or James. We got lucky and Conor is allergic to dogs so we have an awesome excuse. Anyway, what I was saying was, God has allowed us to have a wonderful little boy and girl come stay with us. They are gorgeous!! They are brother and sister and I love the fact they get to stay together. Let me back track. On Easter Day I got my first ever foster child. How special. God allowed me to celebrate new life in so many ways that day. I got to watch a 4 month old little boy for a week and he was precious! Well, except for the whole not sleeping through the night business! ;) While he was here, was when my other two blessings came. So, if you are counting that means we had 5 children 4 years old and younger and two of them were little babies. It was busy. But I am not going to lie, I had help! A big shout out to Emily McBride who came over and rocked babies, fed babies, Changed babies and had the magic touch at putting them to sleep. Busy times are wonderful bonding times with whoever will step into your crazy. After all, it is not their crazy. They can stay home and do their own thing. But those who joined me in those few days of crazy ~ Thank you! One friend brought me a meal. I didnt need a meal. BUT I felt verrrry loved by her that she would take the time to do that for me. So now we have two boys and two girls and they are enjoying each other very much. I am giving myself six weeks to get used to a new normal. I have three weeks left. The cutest thing is seeing Conor draw six people in his family. Another adorable thing is watching them all sleep so sweetly. This week James came in with a card from the mail. The card was so pretty. There was 60 dollars in the card and no name! Praise God for His many blessings. What I love about serving God and extending mercy is ~ I have a front row seat in watching God do pretty cool things. I am not doing it. He is! He blesses when we do what He has called us to. So~ how are we doing? Everyone is doing well and James and I feel humbled that God would allow us to love these children on His behalf.

Mercy?

So I renamed the blog today. From Solarek Family to Mercy Triumphs. I have been studying the book of James with Beth Moore and have learned so much. James 2:13 says " Mercy triumphs over judgment". That is what I would like our family motto to be. We are far from perfect but we want to serve God with all of our heart. He has blessed us so very much and I want to share those things with my children. Beth says the theme verse for James is 2:8,9. "If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, You shall love your neighbor as yourself, you are doing well. But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors."

That's our family goal.

We are in the middle of our Foster Parent class ~ things are going well and we feel blessed to be in the class and to be a part of the community in this wonderful way. We pray for our children that God is going to bless us with. We want to love these little ones and show them the Love of God. Be praying for us to love unconditionally and maybe God would like your family to love some more children? I asked the social worker if she was happy with the amount of foster parents she had. She looked at me like I was crazy and said "No~ we need many more families!". Maybe, there are some Christ followers who can bless these children with a home and a family? Mercy Triumphs...

Hiking - a cold day sandwhiched between two beautiful days - go figure!

So it wasnt just cold - it snowed. It was very pretty on the way up but the whole way down... was freezing! I think I am starting to warm up days later! ;)

Conor made this craft in church a few months ago. It was so precious I had to frame it! The first thing he was thankful for was papa and grandma.

Preschool with the best teacher ever - Mrs Jones

Baking with Grandma

FYI If Erin makes you cookies... just know that she has probably licked the knife of the icing and then used it on your cookie. She is three but still a wild child :0)